Follow Your Bliss
Lately, I have been literally engulfed in work. I am working on numerous cases, one case is literally working me to the ground because it's scheduled to go on trial a week before Christmas. I have been literally letting all the things that have given me solace and relief go to the wayside: swimming, being with my friends, going to Mass, etc.This weekend so far has given me a chance to reclaim those things. Like Friday night, I met with my GirlfriendCircles Group for a dinner party hosted by Nancy, one of the women in the group. We had a great time talking, bonding, drinking, and just letting loose and being ourselves.
Yesterday was World AIDS Day. For those that know me, ending the AIDS pandemic has been a driving passion of mine since college. For pretty much my adult life, I have been doing something to bring awareness to folks about HIV and AIDS whether it is volunteering at an AIDS service organization or riding my bike from San Francisco to Los Angeles year after year on AIDS/ LifeCycle. To mark World AIDS Day, I spent a good part of the afternoon and evening at the Castro Theatre. There was an event for AIDS/LifeCycle in the afternoon. It was great catching up with friends and meeting new ones. There was a screening of a short documentary of AIDS/ LifeCycle which we got to see from the balcony seats of the theatre. Then we headed downstairs and got seats to watch a documentary called "How to Survive A Plague" that talked about AIDS activism during the early years of the AIDS pandemic and how ACT-UP got to rally and bring a voice to those affected by HIV and AIDS. It was a moving and powerful documentary. I had the chance to see with with Bob, one of my good ride friends. Before the movie, we dished about a lot of things, catching up on our lives and just being silly. Bob has been HIV positive for over 30 years. He has lost lots of friends and his long time partner to the disease. He has taught me a lot about living with AIDS, courage, New York stuff, bagels, the Jewish faith, and a bunch of odds and ends we talk about on our rides. He doesn't know this but if I do end up having a boy (no I'm not pregnant yet), I will name him after Bob because he means a lot to me.
I'm having a bout of insomnia right now after consuming a latte yesterday afternoon (bad idea). Watching that movie and spending time with my AIDS/ LifeCycle friends has got me thinking. What am I doing with my life? Am I making the most of it. I know fighting the AIDS pandemic is my passion. Right now, working in law is a means to an end. I am not finding any joy right now in the work I do. I wonder if I am really making a difference.
What is it? What drives me? I thought it would be the legal world but right now, it doesn't serve it for me. I get this feeling of being alive being with the AIDS LifeCycle community. I feel sad that I may lose it when I get pregnant and can't do the ride. I wonder what it is. I can't explain it but the pull of AIDS activism is calling me and I don't want to lose it. I'm afraid that work will get the best of me and suck out all the life I would devote to my activism. How do I keep that connected? What can I physically do?
posted by Edna @ 3:21 AM
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