Pals Forever
Last night I wasn't able to sleep until 1:30 am and I still had trouble sleeping. I ended up waking at some ungodly hour and wasn't able to go to sleep. Figuring that I was up, I decided to tool around Facebook on my iPad. I just happened to go onto an old childhood friend's Facebook page and I see something that took me by surprise. A post from one of her friends stating that my friend, my Pal has been diagnosed with breast cancer.It hits home.
Last year, one of my AIDS/LifeCycle friends was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember it clearly. We were in the car on Day On The Ride in Marin and we were both volunteering for the event. I asked Diana how she was, commenting that I haven't seen her on our East Bay rides lately. She told me point blank, "I have breast cancer." I've only known Diana for several years now.
I sit here, in a cauldron of feelings. I wonder if I should find some opportune moment to go out to Iowa to be with Pal. She has young kids, three young boys and a loving husband. She really wanted to come to my wedding last year but couldn't. Part of me is comforted that she has a really good support network. Part of me feels like I am this outsider, some big city gal from the West Coast, wondering if I should intrude. I did leave Pal a private message on her page, letting her know that I am there for her.
All I can do right now is listen to The Cure and remember childhood memories of Pal. Pal and I met in kindergarden in Mrs. Gordoa's class at Cram School in East Highland, California. I remembered her pool parties in June when she had her birthday year after year. I remembered her coming over to my house for my birthdays and seeing this interesting integration between my non-Filipino friends and the children from Ma and Pop's friends in later birthday parties in McDonalds and Chuck E. Cheese. I remembered how we both wanted to be in the high school marching band in second grade after finding out they were going to Japan to compete. There are so many memories associated with Pal. Mostly elementary school since junior high for me was spent in Catholic school while Pal went to the local junior high then moved to Redlands and went to another junior high and wasn't around when I was able to attend 9th grade at the local junior high. We both made it to the high school marching band but never really hung out but knew that we were there for one another. I was focused on going to college and getting the bat out of the Inland Empire while Pal stayed around after college trying to get into nursing school. She finally did, but in Iowa. She had family out there so it wasn't a daunting trip for her. There she met her husband and liked the life out there. We managed to keep in touch. She even invited me to her wedding but I couldn't go due to finances.
I know I talk about Pal as if I lost her already. I struggle. Should I come back or stay my distance and keep my pristine memories of her and I intact? I see what Diana has gone through with breast cancer and chemo. How do I enter? How do I come back? What should I say? What next? What do I do? What can I do?
A big ass soupful of questions I drown in.
posted by Edna @ 5:58 AM
0 comments
