Ex's and Oh's
I have a confession. I still look at my ex's Facebook profile.
I don't know why I do this. Maybe I'm wondering and curious to see how he is. Part of me ponders and wonders what if we were to continue our relationship after I messed up. Part of me still swoons just a tad when I see his photos and remember his good points: graduated from Cal, works as an engineer at Lockheed Martin, Filipino, Catholic, makes me laugh, great in bed, etc. Seems like his good points were only good on paper. Yet I still see what life he is leading and it seems like he never left college. Don't get me wrong, living the college life is great but one of these days you have to grow up.
Another thing that ticks me off now that I think about it was that my ex never introduced me to his friends. I met his roommates but never his friends. I know that I was working at the time he was off at Cal football games and get togethers but at least invite me to come along. Or was I his dirty little secret, a rebound after his college girlfriend dumped him and married someone else from Japan where she is from. I guess I will never know.
I am really leaning against adding him to my circle of friends on Facebook. As much as part of me still swoons over him, I think of the times he has hurt me and have been cold and distant. It's not a nice feeling and I think of all the hurt and anger I carried all these years. It hasn't been until I started dating Rich almost two years ago when I started to let all the baggage go. That and therapy sessions helped get rid of all the garbage. As much as I want to hold on to the good things, it's best to really move on and savor what I have now- a loving, committed relationship with someone who shares my values, is kind, supports my dreams, is funny and all that good stuff.
Home Sweet Home
It has been a long time since I have written something in this blog. I have to admit that journaling has taken a back seat ever since I got sick back in 2006. I haven't found the creative juices or the need to write until now.
Well, for starters, happy 2009 and change is in the air and I don't mean what President Obama has said in his acceptance speech during the 2008 Presidential Campaign. At the end of February, Rich and I will finally have a San Francisco address. I already have one but Rich currently lives across the bay in Oakland. Yes, Rich and I are moving in together. The change in living situation won't be anything new- I practially live over at his place in Oakland and spend less and less time at my San Francisco apartment.
Where we will live is in a three bedroom, two bathroom house on the outskirts of the City. Basically if you throw a rock out of our future home, you're in Daly City. What I see in that home is a lot of potential for us to grow as a couple and perhaps one day, have a family there. First I just have to plug through school for another year and a half and Rich needs to save up.
I'm seeing this change as a good one, and even a kind of scary one. I have yet to tell my parents that I am moving in with my boyfriend. I'm scared on how they would react. Would they forbid it? Would they disown me? I'm not so sure what is going to happen. I have only a few days to tell them in person while I'm down here in Southern Cali. I get nervous thinking about it. I wonder how they would feel about their eldest daughter living in sin? Well, for starters, my family likes Rich so far as I can assume. My folks even gave Rich a little something for Christmas.
But other than those fears running through my head, things are swimming and being overwhelmed. I have yet to figure out how to donate the stuff I don't need, what things to pack in both places, etc. About a good 1/3 of my stuff is in Rich's place in Oakland, mainly my main staples such as most of my clothes, cookbooks, and my bicycle. My books and most of my other clothes and CDs are at my San Francisco place.
For the last six months or so, I've been fluctuating back and forth between places. Before Rich got hurt with his knee injury, we would spend at least two nights a week at my place and the rest of the time at his place. I would spend the days mostly at my place in the city during the week.
I have to admit that my current place doesn't really feel like home. I feel confined to my room since most of the stuff out in the common area happens to be the roommate who has been there the longest. I feel like I'm suffocated in there and I need a change to break free and have some space. I have stuff that I need to store and maybe now is a good time for me to declutter some things. So far, I have gotten rid of my fat clothes. I have a bit of a ways to go to get into my old size 4 and size 6 clothes, mostly my pants and skirts.
Rich and I always dreamed of living in the City. Although Rich's parents now live in Daly City and he had been in that house since he was a kid, he went to public schools in the City. There was a time when his family was in the City limits but that was when he was in elementary school. I didn't grow up in a major metropolitan area but I really want to avoid the suburban life. It felt so stifiling. I'm sure that there are other challenges in living in the City but I'm willing to face them.
I guess dreams do come true.
