Let The Pain Remain
I have this Jose Llana song on loop on my itunes right now. The title of the song happens to be the title of this blog entry.
As I am flirting with this one person that I've met on an ALC training ride as well as going on match.com and getting back out on the dating scene, there is still a bit of bittersweetness and sadness about the one I still do have heartstrings for.
When I do think of Joe these days, I bite by lower lip, knowing that we have drifted very far apart. I'm not sure if we had things in common but we were into each other back then. Most of my friends agree that Joe wasn't a good fit. Of course I was a tad stubborn to hear about it.
I just want to create new memories and try new experiences. I want to let go of Joe. I think I've pretty much let go of him. It's just finding someone who will not necessarily replace him but just to move on.
Speaking of moving on, I'm just afraid that I won't be able to move on to my dreams. I think about my activism part of me, the one that wants to go to law school and grad school. How do I grow? How will I grow? Can I grow?
I'm having a hard time sleeping since I slept a good portion of the day. Grrrrr...
You Are What You Eat
Lately I've been taking the time to cook once again. It feels really good to make my own meals and eat very healthy. The first phase of my diet was all veggies and I rediscovered salads again. It was hard not eat meats but my proteins were beans and tofu and lentils. They were pretty tasty.
The hardest part of the diet is sometimes when you are presented with foods outside your diet. There are times when I crave cookies and junk food. But I feel the after affects. I feel my body telling me not to indulge in those foods rather to consume healthier options.
The Y near my place is offering an ideal weight class. I'm most likely going to sign up for it.
Turning A Corner
I know in the past few years, I have devoted a lot of my blogspace to my ex-boyfriend Joe. Some of you might have thrown your arms in exasperation and wonder when will be the day when I get over him.
I wouldn't say that I have completely gotten over him. Now the focus is on someone else. And it isn't some carnal thing.
I met this person at a party that a few ALC buddies of mine threw last summer. He completed ALC 5, his first ride. We chatted for quite a bit. I didn't see him again until last Saturday when he happened to show up at a training ride. We continued to chat at the lunch stop, Shark's Deli. Hopefully I will get to see him on the ride again and on future training rides.
In Bikrham yoga, you do 26 positions twice. Each time you build up the courage to go forward. You can say that my latest dip into the dating pool is my tip. OK, so we haven't had a date just yet. But it would be nice.
Seeds
So far, I've been trying to get things going along. Training for AIDS/ LifeCycle 6 has been going along well. Despite a sprained ankle a few weeks ago, I've gotten myself up to train. Then comes the fundraising which I hope will come through.
i started a new diet which I've already lost 2lbs so far. It also goes along with the exercise where I go into the gym 5 days a week for 30 minutes of cardio.
I'm doing ok at my new volunteer stint at the American Red Cross. Not sure if I want to go into development still. It's an option and I'm keeping my options open.
All these things are seeds in a way because I'm just nurturing them along to grow into fulfilled goals and shrubs. My little trees.
